My heart hurts :(

Oh my oh my! We had our first day at the orphanage today. I can't even begin to tell you the emotions that I felt today! I got to hold sweet little babies from 0-6months all day. It made my life. Until one of the nannies told me the the 2/3month old baby I was holding got left in a toilet by his mother when he was born. Then my pleasure turned to heartbreak. Who could throw this amazing little baby away?  

It was a lot of fun today, but it was a weird kind of day. As much as we loved and kissed on the kids, it still was in the back of my mind that this is the extent of their love. They stay in a room all day with random people coming in and giving them kisses and snuggles. It is great that they get that! Don't get me wrong. The nannies really do love the kids, and I would much rather them be in the orphanage than in the streets like millions of other kids, but there is no way to recreate the love of a family. You can just tell something is missing when you look at them. It kills me. I want to keep every single one of them, or at least bring them back to the States. I know a lot of people who would fall in love with them, and give them amazing forever families! I decided today that I am going to have a ton of kids. What better thing can you give a child than real, unconditional love? I can't think of anything. 

We are going back tomorrow. I am excited, and dreading it at the same time. I just wish I could do more for them. Just meeting their basic needs is not enough. I need to do more! Speaking of basic needs… They are barely being met. There is a HUGE need for anything and everything child related. Just in the infant room, The bottles were used, and had to be washed so the next baby could use it. There was one pacifier for all 5 kids. They use cloth diapers, but don't have enough, so some babies got baby blankets wrapped around their bottoms. And clothing wise…any color and any size goes. They are so short on clothes, so it does not matter. The babies all laid on a crib mattress that was on the floor, and had to share the two toys that was in the room. A set of toy keys, and a little ball that does not squeak anymore. If anyone would like to send thinks, email me(kpcs2002@gmail.com), and I can give you details. Seriously, do it for the kids! I can't stop thinking of the nursery of my church in NJ, and how many toys ect there were, I bet there are more toys in that one room than the entire orphanage…and just for one day a week! We have no idea how good we have it in america. I bet if an Ethiopian woman saw the amount of clothes I own she would be disgusted. I can't even come up with a good reason of why I have so much, especially since I hardly use most of it. Anyway…back to the point. Mail me things! Also school supplies are a need at the school. Any kind! 

My heart is heavy, and so are my eyelids… Time to go to bed! Please pray that all of these kids (not just the babies!) find forever families! They are to perfect to not be loved like they should be!